Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Weigh In Wednesday...Where Have I Been




Heyyyy Divas.
Have you missed me? I know I've missed you.

Let's just talk a little about why I took a little hiatus from blogging. A couple weeks ago I walked into crossfit and heard the words no blogger wants to hear.."I read your blog." It turned into a discussion about Adam, divorce, infedility, and the hurt I feel about Adam choosing not to be Adaline's father.

Ya'll know my raw side, the real side you've stuck along with me and held me together as I have sorted out this mess and written may way to this new place of peace. Single motherhood was something I was ashmed of, scared of. It was the reason I stayed in an abusive relationship with an unfaithful man who I didn't love anymore. Now, today I can honestly say being a single mom is something I am proud of. I am so lucky, we are so blessed that I have such an amazing family that has been there through every bit of this. I get to come home, and be safe...I get to fix this mess and start over. I honestly don't have it figured out, who ever does, but the fact that I know we are safe for the first time in years...that is the best feeling in the world. BUT I wasn't ready for anyone who I "knew" to read any of this, to know that I went through what I did. I didn't want any one to think less of me because I stayed with a man who hurt me. SO I took a break for a couple weeks, and now I'm back!!
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It's Weigh In Wednesday, as you all know. I'm still not really weighing...okay I'm not weighing at all. That number doesn't mean anything to me anymore. The fact that I was able to go into underarmour and buy a pair of size MEDIUM capris..that means something. I may or may not have wanted to wear them inside out with the tag showing. The fact that I am able to run around and play soccer with Adaline and not die while doing it, THAT means something. This week I gained 30 pounds on my PR for deadlift (175), 25 pounds on my PR for hang cleans(100), and my one rep max for the Bear Method by 15 pounds (85)...those numbers are all way way way more important then anything that scale has to say.

For me finding a balance has been a challenge. I will have great weeks where I am nearly 90% Paleo, then I will have a week like I had last week where I decide drinking way too much tequila is a good idea, and McDonalds for breafast when I'm hung over is an even better idea! Such is life. I will never be the person who doesn't enjoy time with her family and friends because she's "dieting:" It's more then a diet, diets have deadlines, an end date...this is my life now. Fittness is something that has become part of me. Crossfit is all I think about from the time I wake up till the time I go to bed. I just want to get stronger, better then I was yesterday.

I am a different person then I was seven months ago when I left Adam.
I am a different person then I was six weeks ago before crossfit.
My spirit is unbreakable, I know I am strong
I know I can and WILL do anything and everything I want to do.
My sport has given me confidence, taught me to love and care for myself again..
My sport has given me my body back, it has taught me to love it in a different way.
And on top of that it has given me love, a family, friendships that will last forever.
It has given me PEACE.

Where have I been...I've been taking some time for me. Some time to be quiet and enjoy my life.
I've been searching for my happy again...
I have found it!
















14 comments:

  1. It is great to see you so happy! You are doing such a great job!

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  2. I love you. You know how proud I am of you! I am glad that you are really starting to love yourself, appreciate your journey, and just enjoy life as how it is supposed to be enjoyed! You motivate me every.single.day. and I am constantly wondering what you are doing when shit gets hard and I wanna give up. Okay crying now... ha we both did that today! Your always with me Alex!!!

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  3. Amen girl!! Alexandra has we SMILE back!! Momma loves you!!!! ❤

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  4. Welcome back! I am sure you are enjoying this weather as much as I am.
    I am amazed and inspired by you and your journey! I love that we are from the same area so I feel more connected with you and your blog than others, I don't mean for that to sound stalkerish lol...
    You are strong! Keep up the good work & wear those capris inside out ;)

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  5. looking good! So glad you aren't gone permanently....I struggle with not wanting people I know to read my blog, but I am trying to break past that, I want my blog to be something that helps me grow, so we can't worry about things like that.....try to just be true to yourself and all will be good!

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  6. So glad you are back. I was in a toxic relationship too. Even though it was only almost 6 months it was pure hell. I'm so glad we moved past it. :). Awesome on the size medium!! I don't know the last time I was that size!! I will be there again!! :)

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  7. It's awesome seeing you so hall happy!! Definitely can understand taking the break you needed though

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  8. Good to see you. I was hoping you were doing ok and regouping for more ass kicking of life!

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  9. You little diva is adorable & so is your About Me :)) New follower :)) Read only a little of your background so far, but looks like you are truly on a great path these days! xo

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  10. So happy for you and proud of your "gains" this week ;) You're really kicking some crossfit ass. Love hearing happy posts from ya, get it girl !

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  11. I agree that there is no deadline and life still needs to be lived. I would probably not have a problem with tequila and mcdonalds. There's a balance between healthy eating and treats. I am learning to balance the treats. Esther Norine Designs estherdavison@gmail.com

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