Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Weigh In Wednesday...

Everyone Needs To Fail Sometimes...

This week I'm feeling pretty defeated. On Monday I was pretty excited for the WOD. I had already known that it was tough, and that not everyone finished it, let's be real, most of us didn't finish it...but I love knowing it's going to suck. Well at least I thought I did. Monday was the FIRST time I couldn't finish. I hadn't  eaten properly, I had only had a protein shake and half a think thin bar I shoved down my throat on the way to class. It used to be okay to get busy and not eat...that is not okay anymore. I thought I was going to pass out at the end of the third round when it was time to run, we were supposed to do two down and backs, I only did one. I have been pissed about it ever since. I need to feed my body with fuel to support the kind of results and progress I want. Eating less then 600 calories all day then trying to do an insane WOD...b a d idea. Then last night I got there, and we ended up talking about The King, I cried, I got upset, when it was time to start all I could think about was him, then when I went to bed last night that's all I thought about...that and the fact that I didn't break 90* with my wall balls #crossfitgirlproblems. I let him take away my special time that I cherish every day, I went to pick Addy up and felt like I didn't even work out...Wednesday is usually my rest day, but I'm going tonight...I need to have a good workout after two failures to snap out of this funk!

Over the last month I have been up and down on the scale, so I decided to stop weighing myself every single day & now just do it Wednesday mornings. Yesterday morning I was 184, and I realized that my goal 18 months ago when I started to loose weight was 185. I made it to my first goal, and didn't even realize it. Honestly I would be fine if that number never changed...I did the things I wanted to do, I fit in my old clothes, I can run if I need to, eventhough it is still not something I "enjoy" and I am a hell of a lot healthier then I was 114 pounds ago.

BUT today, I am not happy with where I am. Today my goals were different then they were over a year ago when I started this process. Today I want to be strong. I want to be fit...I want muscles. Something I always thought looked weird on a girl, but that was because I didn't think I could have I know I can and I want them!

I've set a new goal for myself...the number I have in my head is 145, so that's what 40 more pounds? I want to be there by the end of August. I don't even know what 145 pound Alex will look like. The smallest I ever remember being was 155 pounds...and I was fourteen. I'm not so focused on the number as I am just being strong...but let's be real, that number would be awesome!

I've been talking a lot about food lately because just like exercise it is a essential part of any weight loss, or muscle gain. Over the last 18 months I kind of just ate whatever as long as I was eating less then 1,100 calories a day wine calories don't count right? That worked for a long time, I would hit a plateau when I wasn't as strict with my eating for a few weeks, maybe even a month, then I would clean it up and start over. The cycle kept repeating itself...and I stopped loosing. Now I spend 2-3 hours a week meal prepping and don't have to think about it again for the rest of the week. Now when I looke at my food I see protien, and carbs insted of calories. It is never beneficial to binge, then starve yourself, or restrict your calories down to 1,100...I was an idiot. Had  I picked up some heavy things and started feeding myself for fuel I would have reached my new goal a long time ago.


  1. We have the same goal!! Let's DO this girl!!

  2. Way to go on your first goal! And look how far you have come with not being able to settle with that goal! You go girl! You will rock that workout tonight!

  3. I feel you're frustration! I've BEEN counting calories what seems like forever and loosing weight painfully slow. Thankfully this past month, I cleaned up my diet and added some strength training dvds to my workouts. We will get there!

  4. Wow congrats on meeting your goal!!! The food is so hard, I struggle so much with it. I get so discouraged and start having pity parties, like why does my food have to be so perfect. I feel like if I even look at anything over 1200 calories I don't lose weight. Finding what works for you is the battle. Keep on going, I can't wait to see you hit your ultimate goal.

  5. Man, have I been in your shoes! I have always known that I needed more calories- mostly for my sanity- but since starting CrossFit last summer it has been clear I need the energy to keep up with the demands of the workouts. When I first started losing weight I said that 175 was my goal - but I doubted I'd ever get there. Today I'm at 187 and realizing not only is my goal close, but I am capable of way more. 145 has always been my "Dream Big" goal... but I too want to be STRONG. and I want to have muscles. I want to be an athlete. That is way more motivating than any number on the scale!

  6. HI, stopping by from She's a Big Star! I'm sooooo struggling w/ being lazy lately w/ my food as well as my workouts. So I decided to dive into some blogs for inspiration & yours definitely is! Thanks for sharing your story!!!

  7. I'm with you on the wine calories don't count. :) Everyone has their ups and downs but it looks like you're doing an awesome job with crossfit so far.

  8. Just found your blog! Congrats on your weight loss so far - you go girl!!

  9. Totally agree with the calories vs the macros. hope your day is going better from earlier!

  10. so far on my journey I've been doing weight watchers, but I'm now starting to rethink the whole "points/calories" thing, and want to focus on healthy eating. I'm committing to a new program where I will give up wheat and sugar for 3 weeks.....I do think that focusing on HEALTHY and not calories is the way to go.....(Kind a like your paleo stuff) We all have to rethink our goals as we change....way to go!

  11. It shocked me to hear that you're feeling defeated because from what I've seen you are kicking some serious ass right now! I'm proud of you and I hope this week gets you feeling better!

  12. You look great! I went from 187 to 142 in 5 months, but that was without too much exercise - so you can totally do it! Hope you snap out of your funk soon!

  13. Wow - so glad you smartened up on the 1100 calories, girl! And so happy to see someone who realizes they have to FUEL themselves for those intense work outs. And those works outs you are doing ARE intense and something to be SO very proud of. You've come so far and you continue to go farther so do not get down on yourself. YOU ROCK!!

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  15. Hey girl don't be so hard on yourself. At least you are TRYING! I am a new following from the Weigh In Wednesday link up! :) <3 Less than 1,100 calories WHAT?! This is starvation mode! Not good. You may be building muscle but your body is going to store that fat because it feels you are starving it! 1200 calories should be the bare minimum. People are under the misunderstanding that if you eat less it's better. That's not necessarily so I find that 1400-1500 sometimes a little more is what kicks my weight loss into high gear!

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