Yesterday I lived for the first time in a long time. I truly enjoyed myself and my sweet Adaline for the first time, honestly in as long as I can remember. I looked at her on that carousel and instead of seeing what was missing from that perfect picture I saw HER. I saw the joy in her heart, and I finally realized nothing is missing from her life that she needs. I had been living everyday fearing that she would see a father missing from her life, and wonder what she did wrong. Instead of focusing on trying to fill that place that he left empty...yesterday I embraced the place that I fill.
I am her world and she is mine.
There is nothing in this universe that I wouldn't do for my sweet Adaline.
No pain I would not feel to spare her own.
My heart has broken a hundred times over. Loss is something I have felt deep down in the darkest corners of my soul. From that pain I have drawn strength. I have found myself. I have found my sweet baby girl. I have found the power I posess inside myself to purservere through the hard stuff GOD throws my way. Crossfit has shown me my strength, GOD has shown me my power and my worth, Adaline has shown me my love.
The thing that I have learned about myself through my abusive marraige, and now through this divorce is that above all I am a survivor. My heart is still open and full of grace even after the difficult lessons I have learned. This pain has made me into a woman who is more capable now, after the fight, to raise a strong and independent little girl who sees the beauty of the world. She will never know the hurt that I have known, that is a mountain I will live and die on.
Yesterday I fell in love with my sweet girl again.
Instead of looking for what was missing from us, I looked at what we had.
We have so much love, More happiness then we ever had with her father.
I have a stronger faith in trust in GODs path for us.
I am thankful, and we are BLESSED.
"Father I want to take a moment to thank you for the family you gave to me. They have been my strength and have helped me raise Adaline when I allowed my pain to cause me to fall short. I have not been the mother I know you inteded for me to be because I thought inorder to be her I needed to have the father you intended for my Adaline to have, standing next to me. I know now that is not the truth. I am thankful for the beautiful day I was blessed to share with Addy, Anna, Ryan, Aunt Dee and Poppa yesterday. I am thankful that through your unconditional love and protection I have found a way to love, dispite my struggle. You always know what is best Lord, I trust in what you give and take away. I trust in your timing. My heart and my life belongs to you Lord, take it and use it to let your will be done."