I love Mondays

Saturday's are my least favorite day of the week...
Why you ask,{this bitch be trippin'}
Because that's the day Addy is supposed to talk to her father.
And in true King fashion, he blows her off every week
In 16 weeks he has made 6 skype dates.
P A T H E T I C
Of course being the patheitic kind human being I am I text him and remind him it's his day to talk to Addy
Like he didn't already know
That is then followed by some lame excuse,
and what isn't really an argument anymore...
Just me telling him what a shit head he is and what he's missing
yadda yadda yadda
I cry to my Mommy and anyone else who will listen
And try to make sense of why he doesn't do the right thing...
{My insides literally hurt when I'm away from Addy Girl, why doesn't he feel the same}
But there's only one logical reason..


So then Saturday turns into "faturday"
And I may overcompensate in the food category because I'm depressed
This week it was McDonalds {which I haven't eaten in two weeks}
Needless to say I got sick,
My bod was pissed I filled it with that garbage and it let me know
That was my only meal that day...
besides my bowl of 9:00pm ice cream
oh well moving on

Sunday was grrrrrreaaaattt.

My Dad & I did errands with the diva in training {Addy}
She loves to go out
She loves that Pippay buys her whatever she decides to reach for
She loves to shop
She even ate her sandwhich so she could go
{I played tough guy for 2.5 seconds and told her she couldn't go shopping if she didn't eat lunch}
She comes by it honestly
I love my little monkey.

Last night I did yoga before I did my normal body pump
I haven't done it in...oh I don't know 8 years
unless prenatal yoga counts, it shouldn't
Let me tell you that shit is h a r d
And I'm flexible...
I'm that one weird friend you have that can put her legs behind her head and drumn on her butt
An amazing talent I know..
And I'm sure that also makes you wonder why The King would leave his smart beautiful wife with a talent such as that...
For a gutter slut, who used pictures of his family to pick him up
& weasel her way into our life
{and his pants, something I'm sure wasnt too difficult to do}
And girllll, I don't know.


Anyways, back to the yoga
Holy C R A P
It was hard, I was sweating by the second crocodile pose
BUT it helped me so much with my strength training
Today I am not in pain, not tight
I feel great!
Yoga is going to be a new part of my routine fo sho'

This goes with out saying
But another reason Sunday was awesome was
BRAVO & thier sunday line up
Shas of Sunset AND my sistas from Atlanta all in one night
Momma loves Sunday


My Divas got home from their cruise yesterday
Thank the Lord
That was the longest week ever!
They're coming over to have a Bachelor premier party tonight
Woot Woot.

I love Monday.

Weekend Mish-Mash...

Hey Girl Hey!!
A few things to cover today.
Really just a bunch of randomness...

My divas are in the Bahamas this week.
I know what your thinking "why the heck aren't you there biotch"
Well, because I have a 2 year old...
Addy girl + Cruise = no time for booze by the pool or laying in the sun...
Where is the fun in that.
Anyways, since they're gone my Saturday is wide open...so you fine mamma jammas get to listen to me babble!
I've been lazybusy & neglectful of my blog this week.
Sowwyyy Charlie
So I have a LOT to say
xOXOx




I've been a very very good girl this week, by good I mean, I've done 45 minutes of body pump three times since Wednesday {last night we were at Nana's till late}. On average every hour I'm burning 1100 calories...say what I know girl, I know. There's nothing more exciting then being able to work cardio AND strength into one workout. Particularly one workout you LOVE. I sweat my butt off, like sweat in the eyes {gag me}, but it's nice to work hard. I waddle around the next day and want to cry every time I laugh but it's so worth it. I'm feeling a little, ehh what's the word for it...I'm dreading Wednesday weigh in. Whenever I start body pump again, I usually see either no loss or a small gain over the first week or two...muscle weighs more then fat {right?} I tone up quickly, and my belly really slims down, clothes fit better but the scale doesn't always reflect the hard work I put in. Either way I won't be discouraged this wednesday when we weigh in because I know how hard I worked. {{and you bishes best be on your game this week too, I really want to see success for all of you throughout the next 16 weeks}}



My A-Z
{because you aren't cool if yah' didn't do one}
or maybe you just have more interesting things to do

A. Age: 22 {35 on the inside, motherhood, military life...wise beyond my years}


B. Bed size: MEH...since moving back home I'm back in my twin bed. I should've taken that stinkin' king memory foam cloud and strapped it to the top of the Expedition...It would have totally survived the 1,400 mile trip from Arkansas to New York. Once tax time comes Mama is getting a Queen bed.


C. Chore you hate: l a u n d r y...I will scrub poop out of the potty with my bare hands to avoid folding a load of laundry. If it were up to me I would get dressed out of a pile.

D. Dogs: a beautiful golden retriever. love our kin kin.


E. Essential start to your day: Shower. If I don't shower I sit around like a lazy bum.


F. Favorite color: Green.

G. Gold or Silver: rose gold lately...

H. Height: 5'4ish"


I. Instruments you play: That's a scary thought. I've tried the viola, violin, and clarinet...every one a disaster. I am NOT musically inclined in the slightest.

J. Job Title: Tanning Salon Girl. Full Time Student. Full time Mom. {I miss my SAHM days...in the worst way}


K. Kids: Adaline Charlotte {2 1/2)


L. Live: New York

M. Married: technically speaking, yes. For 4 years to my best friend and high school sweetheart of 7 years. 4 months ago he went bat shit crazy, got a girlfriend, and walked out on Addy and I. {he's such a good guy}

N. Nicknames: Alex, Al, Baba {as in Ali Baba}, oh god and Alga...my little brother couldn't say Alexandra so he called me Algazandra. 17 years later they still call me Alga, in public, on birthday cakes and I want to punch them in the throat saying I hate it is putting it mildly.


O. Overnight hospital stays: Just when I had my induction, and then c-section with my 10 pound spider monkey. I was so upset then, but now I think my lady parts are thankful they didn't have to go through that trauma!


P. Pet peeve: poor grammar. chewing. breathing. hovering


Q. Quote: "I love you Momma" - Addy. There is nothing in this world I would rather hear then those 4 words...she makes my world go round.

R. Righty or Lefty: Righty.

S. Siblings: 1 sister and 1 brother.


T. Time you wake up: 6 on work days, 8 on days off {because that's when Addy wakes up}


U. University attended: SUNY Adirondack, Arkansas State University

V. Vegetables you dislike: I have a seed issue, so if I can't scrape the seeds out...I won't eat it.

W. What makes you run late: oh girl, I do not do late. not ever.

X. X-rays you've had: knee, teeth


Y. Yummy food: in true fatty fashion...PASTA.


Z. Zoo animal favorite: Sloths.






I got my very first Kiki La'Rue order today. I loved everything, the quality was great. The fabrics were so soft, I seriously felt like I could wear the clothes all day and not even want to put my sweats on. {and if you know me you know, as soon as I walk through that door I go straight to the closet and throw on my yogas. do not pass go. do not collect $200...I just want to surround myself in soft stretchy fabric} The famous Lanore scarf, LOVE! Even with my buxom bubbies it still looked appropriate and sat well, a lot of times infinity scarves, especially heavier knit ones just stick rite out...not KLR's, I LOVE it! I got a pair of earrings to match my scarf and I LOVE them too, obvis they might be my new favorites. Becka is great with customer service, and picks awesome items for her boutique. I can't wait to order again {later this week when more maddie tops come in & lanore scarves...shhh} You can find them here and here, I HIGHLY recommend them, affordable, great quality, comfy clothes. Did I mention adorable?...LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.


If you made it to the bottom...
Then you must lead as interesting of a life as I do.
Get it Gurlll.
Love you, Love you, Love you

Muah.Muah.Muah

Weigh In Wednesday: Link-Up with Erin

My Original Plan Was To P R A Y...


Guess What...that did NOT work. Not one bit....so I decided to make some lifestyle changes. You can read all about my weight loss journey in my post The Ugly Truth.

<p align="center"><a href="http:/ /www.shesabigstar.com/"><img src="http://i1191.photobucket.com/albums/z468/suit1/ WeighIn1_zps284dd2e2.png" alt="button" width="363" height="489" /></a></p>

Today I'm going to tell you the story in pictures...because well a picture is worth a thousand words. As I was making these collages I was dying...take pictures ladies, take pictures,take pictures. Even if you don't share them, it is so worth it when you're feeling frustrated and loosing motivation!




I honestly think my arms were the same size my thighs are now...holy hell.





This one is my Favorite, I cannot believe the difference in my face!! Holy Moly!


Over the past 2 years I have lost 95 pounds, 70 of that in the last year.

It's taken a lot of work...
I've yo-yo'd a lot...
I've failed a lot...
I've also succeeded beyond what I could believe...
Of course have had good days and bad days.
Who Doesn't
I am not one to give anything up, and I really don't feel I have been deprived the last year.
I still have a drink or five when I go out with my divas
I still eat cake when it's someone's birthday or any other time it's in the house
I haven't completely sworn off carbs, and I don't eat like a rabbit.

I do drink protein in the morning.
{I love to mix a scoop of dessert chocolate pudding protein powder with my iced coffee & almond milk ...seriously starbucks watch out, I'm coming for you}
I do believe weight training is just as important as cardio, if not MORE important.
I didn't see significant results until I fell in love with my weight bar.

I am really proud of how far I have come, and I honestly can say I am comfortable in my body for the first time in a LONG time.
{in clothes}
BUT then I get naked, and I want to cry.
Today I weigh in at 197 pounds.
I haven't been under 200 pounds in 4 years.

My Current Body Fat Percentage is 29%
{It used to be 42%...wow}
My Goal is to get that on the lower end of "acceptable" at 21%
In order to do that I need to get down to 150 el-bees.
{Ideally I would like to be 145}
That means I have 46 pounds left to go
&& I honestly thing these last 46 will be harder then the first 95!!

When you're trying to lose weight, or really accomplish anything it's so important to write it down & plan for success.

My Long Term Goal:
By May 1 {17 weeks away & the beginning of shorts season in Upstate NY}
I want to have lost between 35-45 el-bees.
{Relatively 2-3 pounds a week}
Putting me between 150-160lbs.
The smallest number I remember seeing on the scale was probably around 165...
So to get below that would be amazing.

My Short Term Goal{s}:
Lose 8 pounds this month & never find them again.
Find time between school, work & motherhood to work out 4 times a week
AND complete the weekly challenge every day!!!


Join Erin and I as we lose this weight, forever and ever. Finally. Link-up every Wednesday, and even participate in our weekly challenge. This week we chose abs as the target zone. I don't know about you girls but after the holidays this bittie's belly is not looking it's best...my pouch is coming back & it is NOT a good look!





My Inspiration:


I don't want to lose who I am, I love my curvy body
I just want to be strong
I want to be toned
I want to WANT to be nekkid.
All day errry day!

I can't wait to read all your stories in the weeks to come and watch ya'll succeed!






Also as usual on Wednesday I'm linking up with Shanna {and I can never get the "random wednesday button to work} so here is the button to her home page. Check her out, she is a fashonista, wife and mother. Her fashion posts make me want to shop <3

2012: A Blessing & A Curse

Depends on how you want to look at it really.

In the beginning of 2012 Adam came home from his second deployment
{the second was way harder on us then the first}
In March we celebrated one year in our first home we purchased...together.
We entered our 4th year of marriage in April.
In April Adam also started flying on a regular basis & being away from home a LOT.
In June we celebrated Adaline's second birfday.
We also headed to Tennessee for a big family vacation...
Which turned into the biggest shit show in the world
I believe it was where mine and Adam's marriage took a turn for the worst.
I remember throwing my ring at his face in the parking garage the night he told me he felt like he was living a lie and hadn't loved me since he came home from Afghanistan
{the first time}
That was the night my heart broke, I didn't think it could get much worse...
Then came August.
It got worse.
Adam came home from New Mexico with a girlfriend.
I was unreasonably cool about it...
I didn't want my child to grow up with out her father.
Until I caught him still sneaking around talking to her...
Telling her he loved her and that we were over.
w o w
Shortly followed by him going bat shit crazy...
And me calling home to my parents to come bring Adaline and me home.
This is where the blessing & the curse comes into play...

We were going to get pregnant this winter.
Thank God we didn't
What a blessing
Adam finally showed his true colors
And Adaline will be too young to remember the hell we endured this summer and into fall
and now into winter
What a blessing
My amazing friends in Arkansas {Sarah & Alysha} gave me the courage and support I needed...
Right when I needed it.
What a blessing
At playgroup one day, not even knowing the hell I was about to endure Nikki said one day something along the lines of, "you don't think you could do it alone, you'd be surprised how strong you are, how easy it is"
I will forever remember those words, I thought of them every day for months and months before I left.
She gave me strength and encouragement.
What a blessing
I have an amazing supportive family who didn't even think twice.
I called, they came.
What a blessing
I came home to my old job, really the only job I could mentally handle at this point.
What a blessing
I found the strength to enroll in classes for spring before I could think twice
What a blessing
{ask me in May when I'm studying for my chem final if this is still a blessing}
Adam left us.
I'm the one who moved, but he's the one who walked away.
I never would have.
What a blessing


In 2012:
I lost 70 pounds.
I made great forever friends.
My husband betrayed me.
My life was forever changed, and my heart was broken.
I left my life in Arkansas, just walked away.
I came home to a loving supportive family.
I came home to my wonderful friends {Mandy Pants} who have supported me through every crazy turn of my manic behavior these last few months.
I started blogging & met some amazing women who have gone through what I am going through & who inspire me (Erin & Lindsey}
They're great single mothers to their beautiful babies, and were both dealt the short stick when it came to first husbands...they survived.
I will too.
I became a single mother in a sense, but in another Adaline and I are more a part of a family now then we ever were when it was just the three of us...
The King's were never a family, I thought we were perfect...
Apparently I was the only one.
I grew up a lot this year.
I hurt. I broke. I picked myself up. I cried. I laughed. I got mad. I'm healing.
I saw an ugliness in someone that I never thought would ever be seen
And to be fair I saw some ugliness in myself in my many moments of weakness.
But I also saw lot's of strength, a different kind of strength then it took to be a military wife...the kind of strength it takes to start over.
And I'm surviving.

In 2013:
I will loose another 50 pounds.
I will fit into my clothes from before The King & I got together.
I will change my name back to LaPoint. {legally}
I will get a divorce.
I will purchase my first car, on my own. Not from The King.
I will complete my first semester of college.
I will get that 13.1 sticker if it kills me.
I will enjoy the people who choose to be in my life, and forget the ones who don't.
I will protect my little bear at all costs from the evils of this world.
{Including the man who fathered her}
I will save myself.
I will rebuild my life & be humble and thankful for my family's help.
I will be selfish, I will take care of myself and stop worrying about other people.
I will put Adaline first. {Just the two of us you and I.}
I will say goodbye to The King & the life we I built for us.
I will be blessed.


2012: A Blessing & A Curse...
I think my blessings outweighed the one ugly thing in my life this year.
ten fold.
And if you look at it in a positive light...
Adam did me a favor.
He blessed me & freed me.
I would have never been happy.
I would have kept putting him first...
Kept making babies...
Kept taking his abuse...
And never doing what I wanted.
2013 is all about Me. Myself & I {and Addy too of course}
The King chapter of our life is over...
Is it a blessing or a curse.

I'm going to go with Blessing.

Happy New Year Biotch.
May it be beautiful, and fresh...
May you be blessed.
May this year be better then the last <3















Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Holiday Re-cap...

Well it happened.
I stepped on the scale this morning and I had gained two pounds.
I'm not really surprised, or even upset.
197.
I expected it to be 207.
All I've done for the last two weeks is eat, drink, eat and drink.
I have probably only made the time to work out about three of those days.
So clearly I knew a gain was coming.
Moving on.
This week will be better, to diet over the holidays takes some serious self control
Something I seriously do not have.





This morning Addy and I are enjoying our protein shake {another thing I haven't had in two weeks}
& tonight I guess I have to do body pump.
I actually really miss it & even two little pounds feels like 10 on my 5'3 bod.
It's gotta gooo!
Like yesterday.

Letting You Drag My Heart Around...

So this week I haven't found any motivation to blog
At all.
Because all that is on my mind is this divorce.
And I don't want to be having a pity party everyday,
but I don't have much Susie Sunshine left in me either...
not this week.

I keep hearinglistening to obsessively
Sarah Evans "Little Bit Stronger"
Trying to convince myself that this is normal...
Like this disgusting ugly shit storm could really be considered normal...

Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger
Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger
And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger
Truth is I think I'm failing miserably.
I think I'm more like a Simple Plan throw back song..."Addicted to You"
Yah' know the one, "I'm a dick, I'm addicted to you"

On Christmas Eve I was served divorce papers by The King...
Well attempted to be served, turns out my other half for seven years never knew my name.
Either that or he was part of the "don't ask, don't tell" policy the military recently instated...before it was cool.
That dumb shit had the papers made out for Alexander King...my name is ALEXANDRA.
Alexander is a b o y.
So the post man wouldn't even give me the papers.
Jokes on you ass hole.
Obviously I called him, screamed profanities, and told him what a massive piece of garbage he was.
Like He Didn't Already Know.
Then I sunk down and leaned against the fridge and full out ugly cried.
Big heaving sobs, snot running down my face.
I felt like the ground was coming out from underneath my feet, and the fridge was my anchor.
I hate hate hate sneaky people.
The King is as sneaky and two faced as it gets...
Clearly he goes for the low blow, he's a snake, that's just not my style...


Now for those of you that don't already know, I filed for divorce in New York.
Two Months Ago...
So again my ignorant husband thinks he's above the law and can file in Arkansas...
News Flash...Yah' Can't.


He has to retract the papers, yadda yadda yadda, and my papers will clearly take precedence.
Now the funny thing is what the papers said.
He wants to pay less child support, not pay for college, or partial daycare & medical expenses.
Like that's surprising.
He also wants partial custody and visitation rights.
Which he originally gave up in favor of me giving up my right to spousal support.
It's all about the benjamins for The King.
Now all of the sudden he wants to have visitation rights...and partial custody...
From 1400 miles away, when he can't even get his hungover lying butt out of bed to Skype Addy ONCE a week on a consistent basis.
Puhhhhlleeeeaaaasssseeeee.
NeverGonnaHappen.Never.


Even after he did yet another shitty thing {filing for a bullshit divorce when he can't even make his child support payments}...I can't stay away.
Not that I want him back, believe me I do NOT.
But I just can't get over the fact still that after SEVEN years he just kicked us out.
Just woke up decided he was living a lie, and didn't want to do it anymore.
The problem is I was clueless.
I didn't realize we were lying...
Just like I didn't realize he was being unfaithful...
Because I wasn't doing either of those things.
Because I believed in the vows we spoke.
And because I loved my family & respected my husband.
Because I wasn't a douche bag
I'm so mad, I want him to feel the pain I feel
I want him to look at his baby and see all that he's given up
I want him to look at ME and realize he walked away from the only good thing he ever had in his life.
But I don't think that's gonna happen.
Any of it.
And I need to take my hand off my ass and stop hoping magically he's going to have a lightbulb moment.
There's nothin' going on in that head that doesn't serve The King.
He's a one man kind of guy...Himself.
The only person The King loves is The King.
He is incapable of even loving his own child and putting her first.
His day will come, but I don't think it will be soon.
It's so awful but I cannot wait for the day that he finally falls.
It happens to all the other good sociopaths {Ted Bundy, Jeffery Dahmer}
So it's bound to happen to The King...
I'll be waiting.


Other then the lovely gift of Divorce Papers {the gift the just keeps on giving} from The King, we had a great Christmas.
Addy LOVED everything.
Totally got the Santa thing.
It was awesome.
I'll write about that this week, today I feel like having a pity party.
Deal With It.

I see a glimpse of recognition, but it's too little too late...

Today is December the 21st, which means two things
One, we are all still here so the world didn't end
AND it is The King and My 6 year dating anniversary.
I had totally forgot all week, until last night as I was falling asleep
I recieved a text message at exactly 12:00am
"Happy Anniversary I love you Al. I'm sorry I ruined your life. Thank you for everything you did for me, and for taking care of Addy. I'm so proud of you for doing this. Your so strong. I couldn't do it. I will always love you."


{I'm with you Alexis my girl. eyeeee rollllll.}


{The Funniest thing I've ever heard boo-boo}


{Tamara, it's pretty redic isn't it}
And then I proceeded to cry myself to sleep, because I had forgotten.
This day no longer has meaning anymore, or significance.
I am healing, I am growing, I am closing the gate.
Now I'm not going to pretend that as I read that message I didn't flash back to 6 years ago
The day he kissed me in the parking lot after we went snowboarding
His big brown eyes, and little brown face

And it made me sad, it made that knot in my gut come back
But today it's gone.
Today when the sun is out I realize he is not that boy, and I am no longer that girl
We have grown apart so much these last six years
{mostly due to his ignorant, unfaithful,abusive behavior}
But none-the-less we have some good memories
and one beautiful child out of the mess he
we made.
{who is mine all mine. put your hands in the air for full custody ladies}
For that I am thankful. Beyond thankful.

In the words of the feirce Diva Christina Aguilera
{because I couldn't say it better myself}

It's time you had a tase of loosing
Time the tables turned around
I see a glimpse of recognition
But it's too little, it's too late
And what you thought was your best decision
Just became your worst mistake...
Chew on that feeling for a while Kinger, that's what you left me with for the last four months. I'm glad you finally came around but boyyy I'm done waiting. Live with the choice you made. It IS and forever will be your biggest mistake.