Tuesday, July 3, 2012

The Ugly Truth

I have become obsessed lately with fitness/nutrition blogs, & the stories of the women who write them! I cannot get enough of them I see them on pinterest and link after link, entry after entry I'm inspired! I'm hoping that like so many other's that "putting it all out there for the world to see" will be the final push of accountability I will need to finally reach my destination of those skinny jeans nicely folded, waiting in the back of the closet!

Where did it all start...
Now I cannot remember a time when I was happy with my body.
 I remember a time when I was walking around in size 5 jeans looking at myself in the mirror and seeing a fat cow...for that demented perspective I blame the public school system & Abercrombie!
 ((kidding...but for real))
Fast Forward a few years, a knee injury, a new boyfriend & an engagement later..
As sick as this is to even admit in print...on my wedding day I walked down the isle in a size 16 dress
I didn't go near the scale in those days but I can estimate my weight was rite above the 200lb mark.
Over the course of our dating years I gained a steady 10 pounds a year
Then we got engaged and I gained 20 pounds that W I N T E R. ((gagg me))
Just days after our wedding Adam went off to boot camp for 12 weeks & I began a boot camp of my own!
In those 12 weeks I lost 35 pounds & was feeling like a hot tomalley on that H O T June day in Texas the first time I saw my Airman!
3 Months later we became pregnant with our little spider monkey Adaline Charlotte
&& what a number she did on my body!
By the time my 8 week checkup rolled around I had gained back 25 of the 35 pounds I worked so hard to loose, and was sitting at a hefty 195pounds.
I recall asking the doctor if that was even possible since the last time I weighed I weighed F A R less!
I blame my husband who has a rockin' bod  no matter what he eats, AND my demented notion that I too should be able to eat exactly as he did and maintain a healthy weight!
Somehow a bag of diorites, a heaping bowl of ice cream, or two double cheeseburgers and a large fry does not amount to a calorie value that would yield a normal weight...
By the time June rolled around & delivery day came I was weighing in at a staggering 287 pounds...wahhh!

I was a giant, looking back now I am not surprised my body now looks the way it does. 

Our little Bear was a bigggg girl ((just like her moooma..extra emphasis on the M O O)) weighing in at 9lb 6oz. && we were oh so very happy to have her here!
The week after we came home from the hospital I made a brave step and stood on the scale, FULLY expecting to have lost a good 30 pounds. After all, I WAS  breast feeding & Addy alone weighed nearly 10 pounds! 
(( I say this with a T H I C K layer of sarcasm oozing from every word))
Imagine my surprise when rite there in blazing red digital numbers were the numbers
2 7 5
12 freaking pounds, all I lost was 12 measly pounds..
unfortunately that is NOT true.
Let's face it...The scale N E V E R lies
Again we are going to fast forward about a year, after our first deployment, lots of stress, sleepless nights, and a few failed attempts at weight loss and a hiatus from the scale...
It is August of 2011 and we're home in NY visiting...
The picture that changed my life was taken by my lovely Mom...((who promptly posted it on FB))
Holy cow...((literally MOOO)) 
I remember seeing this & deciding to step on the scale, again I was surprised, though I shouldn't have been when the scale read
2 5 5
Scariest part is, I had lost weight in this picture, quite a bit too...
So I estimate at my heaviest post baby weight I was up to about 2 7 5
Holy CRAP...gagg
shoot me!!
I had previously gotten down to 213 during Adam's first deployment, only to shoot rite back up once he got home and I started cooking for him again!
So we came home to Arkansas, I started a round of p90x and began using body by Vi...
In just 3 short months I was down 25 pounds to 230...
Adam and I on my 21st Birthday (( I felt so H O T)) I had worked so hard just to get here!
Now November comes, One more deployment, I fall in love with Chalene Johnson & Turbo Fire && loose another 15 pounds by February. 

The weather gets nice, and I decide I miss running.
((prior to my knee injury I was a soccer player && under these layers of fat that runner is still in there somewhere))
With the couch to 5k program (thank you pinterest) I lost another 10 pounds between March and May!
2 0 5...so close to finally after 3 1/2years to being under the 200 mark
T H E N Mom came to visit & we went on vacation and I gained 9 pounds.
S E R I O U S L Y.
So here I sit today, frustrated but not giving up, at a F A T 214.6 pounds.
Well, at least that's what the scale said Sunday...
This week I have made a real effort to eat clean(er) and try to find time and energy to exercise.
So let's do this...I want out of the 200's and I'm not going back. 
I miss my size 10 jeans (I'm currently a 14) and this fall I will F I T in them.
No excuses.
My pilgrimage to MILFdom began Monday morning.
This time WILL be different!


  1. Amazing story - I am in the middle of the couch to 5k program right now. I am a big walker, but never really attempted running. You can do this girl and I plan on following you for inspiration :)

    1. thank you!! I need to start again, but it is tooooo cold here to go outside and run...santa needs to bring me a treadmill! ;)

  2. I think I just met my new BEST BLOGGER FRIEND lol We have a lot in common
    I moved to good ol PA in August and the weight has just piled on!
    I am from Texas so this was a HUGE DEAL packing up two kids and a husband lol
    Email me (if you dont think I am a huge ass creep for posting this)
    haha and maybe we can chat!
    or you can pull a creeper and see what I mean by having some common things!

  3. I am so glad I found your blog! You are seriously inspiring :) You are doing it and you look awesome :) My friend Alex and I started a weight loss blog at www.operationskinnyjeans.com and we are just starting our journey. I can't wait to inspire others like me :)

  4. just found your blog from Erin!! LOVE IT!! Can't wait to follow and read the rest of your posts!!!

    1. I also started my own... mamaaja.blogspot.com