2012: A Blessing & A Curse

Depends on how you want to look at it really.

In the beginning of 2012 Adam came home from his second deployment
{the second was way harder on us then the first}
In March we celebrated one year in our first home we purchased...together.
We entered our 4th year of marriage in April.
In April Adam also started flying on a regular basis & being away from home a LOT.
In June we celebrated Adaline's second birfday.
We also headed to Tennessee for a big family vacation...
Which turned into the biggest shit show in the world
I believe it was where mine and Adam's marriage took a turn for the worst.
I remember throwing my ring at his face in the parking garage the night he told me he felt like he was living a lie and hadn't loved me since he came home from Afghanistan
{the first time}
That was the night my heart broke, I didn't think it could get much worse...
Then came August.
It got worse.
Adam came home from New Mexico with a girlfriend.
I was unreasonably cool about it...
I didn't want my child to grow up with out her father.
Until I caught him still sneaking around talking to her...
Telling her he loved her and that we were over.
w o w
Shortly followed by him going bat shit crazy...
And me calling home to my parents to come bring Adaline and me home.
This is where the blessing & the curse comes into play...

We were going to get pregnant this winter.
Thank God we didn't
What a blessing
Adam finally showed his true colors
And Adaline will be too young to remember the hell we endured this summer and into fall
and now into winter
What a blessing
My amazing friends in Arkansas {Sarah & Alysha} gave me the courage and support I needed...
Right when I needed it.
What a blessing
At playgroup one day, not even knowing the hell I was about to endure Nikki said one day something along the lines of, "you don't think you could do it alone, you'd be surprised how strong you are, how easy it is"
I will forever remember those words, I thought of them every day for months and months before I left.
She gave me strength and encouragement.
What a blessing
I have an amazing supportive family who didn't even think twice.
I called, they came.
What a blessing
I came home to my old job, really the only job I could mentally handle at this point.
What a blessing
I found the strength to enroll in classes for spring before I could think twice
What a blessing
{ask me in May when I'm studying for my chem final if this is still a blessing}
Adam left us.
I'm the one who moved, but he's the one who walked away.
I never would have.
What a blessing


In 2012:
I lost 70 pounds.
I made great forever friends.
My husband betrayed me.
My life was forever changed, and my heart was broken.
I left my life in Arkansas, just walked away.
I came home to a loving supportive family.
I came home to my wonderful friends {Mandy Pants} who have supported me through every crazy turn of my manic behavior these last few months.
I started blogging & met some amazing women who have gone through what I am going through & who inspire me (Erin & Lindsey}
They're great single mothers to their beautiful babies, and were both dealt the short stick when it came to first husbands...they survived.
I will too.
I became a single mother in a sense, but in another Adaline and I are more a part of a family now then we ever were when it was just the three of us...
The King's were never a family, I thought we were perfect...
Apparently I was the only one.
I grew up a lot this year.
I hurt. I broke. I picked myself up. I cried. I laughed. I got mad. I'm healing.
I saw an ugliness in someone that I never thought would ever be seen
And to be fair I saw some ugliness in myself in my many moments of weakness.
But I also saw lot's of strength, a different kind of strength then it took to be a military wife...the kind of strength it takes to start over.
And I'm surviving.

In 2013:
I will loose another 50 pounds.
I will fit into my clothes from before The King & I got together.
I will change my name back to LaPoint. {legally}
I will get a divorce.
I will purchase my first car, on my own. Not from The King.
I will complete my first semester of college.
I will get that 13.1 sticker if it kills me.
I will enjoy the people who choose to be in my life, and forget the ones who don't.
I will protect my little bear at all costs from the evils of this world.
{Including the man who fathered her}
I will save myself.
I will rebuild my life & be humble and thankful for my family's help.
I will be selfish, I will take care of myself and stop worrying about other people.
I will put Adaline first. {Just the two of us you and I.}
I will say goodbye to The King & the life we I built for us.
I will be blessed.


2012: A Blessing & A Curse...
I think my blessings outweighed the one ugly thing in my life this year.
ten fold.
And if you look at it in a positive light...
Adam did me a favor.
He blessed me & freed me.
I would have never been happy.
I would have kept putting him first...
Kept making babies...
Kept taking his abuse...
And never doing what I wanted.
2013 is all about Me. Myself & I {and Addy too of course}
The King chapter of our life is over...
Is it a blessing or a curse.

I'm going to go with Blessing.

Happy New Year Biotch.
May it be beautiful, and fresh...
May you be blessed.
May this year be better then the last <3















Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open