Friday, February 15, 2013

Freak me Friday

 photo tumblr_mi0rgt7sw31ql5yr7o1_400_zps16599157.gif

I'm noticing a pattern. Every Friday The King and I have a fight. Every. Single. Week. What's up with that? Maybe it has to do with the fact that today is the day to pay the piper and make that lovely little bi-weekly deposit called a child support payment? Maybe. Or is it because The King knows tomorrow he is expected to be a parent for half a second long enough to skype our oh I hate to say that, she's mine all mine daughter? Maybe. Really I'm sure there are a million and one reasons, and I really could probably list them all, but I won't do that thank god, I know.

This weeks fight was completely one sided. No, I'm not just saying that. What was the fight about, honestly I could not even tell you...because well for me it wasn't a fight. The King spent fourty-five minutes way too freaking long trying to minipulate me into changing our separation papers and allowing him to file for divorce under his terms. Now if you've been reading rite along through this mess you know that he already attempted to do that, in Arkansas, served me the papers on Christmas Eve, and then ultimately I had to file for those papers to be dismissed because he refused eventhough we were legally bound in New York. Yes I am well aware I married a monkey, well wait that's not true, monkeys are intelligent...

Through the whole conversation I didn't raise my voice, I didn't insult The King, I didn't cry, eventhough I was fighting the tears when he told me he "hated me and didn't want to spend one more day married to me"...but I didn't. I didn't cry. I didn't let him hurt me or affect my mood. I committed to staying calm, having an adult conversation, and I freaking succeeded! In those fourty five minutes he taked in circles about how I ruined his life, how much he hated me, how I was greedy and wasn't getting my hands on his deployment money, how he shouldn't have to pay for half of Addy's school, and that I should have to pay for half of her travel expenses to go see him, how I ruined his life and now he has to come home to an empty house and he just wants this over with...I'm sorry, did I hit you, did I cheat on you, did I tell you that you and OUR BABY had till Friday to get out of MY house? Do you still live in our family home that WE purchased, with all of our family stuff, is Adaline's crib still set up in her nursery that we decorated together for her, are you still sleeping in the bed we picked out together, with the bedding I saved for months for...are you still eating ramen noodles off my freaking pottery barn dishes. Well, yah I think you are. While I'm back in my parents basement, trying to pick up the pieces of the mess you made...starting over with nothing, while you stay in your little castle made of sand high and mighty hating on me!

 photo tumblr_mi0qg5NzyS1ql5yr7o1_r1_400_zps07ff3dc6.gif
Okay maybe I would

Dont get your panties in a knot divas, I didn't say any of that! There was a lot of "okay, I'm sorry YOU feel that way" and "What would you like me to do to make it so you don't feel that way" halle-freakin-fraggin-lujah. I did it, I bit my sassy tongue, and I just let him be crazy crazy crazy. And in the end when he didn't get the reaction he wanted out of me, he said in a huff and a puff "Fine then, I'll just get a restraining order and take your ass to court here." Okay King, Okay.

Seriously? Whatthefuckingfuck?! It's amazing when I don't allow myself to get emotional, and choose not to get sucked in a board the crazy train how much I can really SEE the way he minipulates and abuses every single conversation, and probably always has. He is honestly crazy.

 photo tumblr_mi57f1XQ721ql5yr7o1_400_zps6c53174a.gif


It's about damn time...I know. I really feel like everything is starting to come together. I feel like I'm working through the stages of greiving this loss of the "family" I so desperately struggled to keep together for the last few months. I can finally see the man I married, or at least the man he's become, for who he really is. And yah' know what, I'm not even mad. I don't fault him for not being able to handle it. I mean yah, he's an abusive, lying, cheating douche bag, but that's who he is and he's not my problem any more. Amen. What a freaking blessing!!! I'm ending this work week thankful for the lesson in this disasterous mess, thankful that I get to go home and kiss my baby and I don't have to fight with anyone anymore, I don't have to tolerate anyone's abusive behavior anymore, I don't have to worry about someone else hurting my heart again because they decided not to call because they were too busy hiking with the next best thing...Girls, I'm growing. I'm so thankful for all of you, and my amazing family, and my beautiful little Addy. And really, I'm thankful for The King, I'm thankful for the life we lived and how strong it made me...even if I have my weak moments, I am who I am, and I am strong enough to start over, because I was strong enough to survive the crazy with him.



16 comments:

  1. You are getting there girl. Handling a divorce is hard enough on you emotionally. But adding a little girl to the mix I bet really sucks.. Good luck with everything.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I like the crossed out part... but the best thing to do when you want to say al that is do just what u did. Then he doesnt win. When you cry hes like yep still got her !! GO YOU

    ReplyDelete
  3. I know you probably wanna slap everyone that says this but it proves true - It gets easier. I promise it does. I went through something very similar and here I am three years later, standing proud and tall that I decided I was worth more and I wanted better for myself. The struggle to heal after something so devastating is HARD. And it's confusing and exhausting but it's worth it. Totally worth it. I wish you the best of luck in your journey!

    Love,
    Amber
    sittinpretty86.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am so damn proud of you right now!!!! Good for you...I know it was very hard but now you can see what retarded he acts. Sometimes it's hard being the bigger person but sometimes it's actually gratifying b/c it makes things all the more clearer to you. Have a great weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am proud of you! You and your daughter deserve so much better. Think of how that jackass is going to feel when someone comes in and sweeps you and your daughter off your feet. He is going to be left standing the dust. Chin up buttercup & Have a great weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  6. hell yes! way to be strong...you will find that the more you DON'T let him piss you off, the madder he will get. he just wants to get to you, so don't let him. stay strong, you are doing awesome!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Awesome girl! Way to stick it to "The King"!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Good job, gal! It is so hard sometimes to "be the bigger person" when you just want to drive your car into them. Congratulations! Your daughter is very lucky that she has you: a level-headed, patient, and calm parent. Props to you! You are indeed headed in the right direction. Plus, you've got a load of women who are backing you 100%! Having that many women to rally with you? That shit is awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Girl, that's awesome!! I've been there and life gets so so much better! You did awesome staying calm while he lost his shit. He is immature and is just trying to get to you. If you stay calm he will do like a child and pout. Before you know it the words won't even phase you. Stay strong!

    ReplyDelete
  10. You got this, girl!!!
    Tis post was made complete with those GIFs!!...really got the F YOU point across!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. I've only been reading you for a month or two now, but I can see you changing in your posts, for what that is worth. It's a process that you can't get around, you have to go through all the crap to grow...and you are growing. I'm so glad to see that you are getting to a better place!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Great job not sinking to his level!!! I have a friend who has an ex that sounds like he's very similar to yours. Only they have been divorced for 4 years and he still does this to her! I'm going to send her the link to your blog. I think she could learn a lot from you!! Great job staying strong!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thats me ^^^^ Im the friend lol. and OMG he sounds just like my ex!!! CRAZY!

    ReplyDelete