Freak me Friday

I'm noticing a pattern. Every Friday The King and I have a fight. Every. Single. Week. What's up with that? Maybe it has to do with the fact that today is the day to pay the piper and make that lovely little bi-weekly deposit called a child support payment? Maybe. Or is it because The King knows tomorrow he is expected to be a parent for half a second long enough to skype our oh I hate to say that, she's mine all mine daughter? Maybe. Really I'm sure there are a million and one reasons, and I really could probably list them all, but I won't do that thank god, I know.

This weeks fight was completely one sided. No, I'm not just saying that. What was the fight about, honestly I could not even tell you...because well for me it wasn't a fight. The King spent fourty-five minutes way too freaking long trying to minipulate me into changing our separation papers and allowing him to file for divorce under his terms. Now if you've been reading rite along through this mess you know that he already attempted to do that, in Arkansas, served me the papers on Christmas Eve, and then ultimately I had to file for those papers to be dismissed because he refused eventhough we were legally bound in New York. Yes I am well aware I married a monkey, well wait that's not true, monkeys are intelligent...

Through the whole conversation I didn't raise my voice, I didn't insult The King, I didn't cry, eventhough I was fighting the tears when he told me he "hated me and didn't want to spend one more day married to me"...but I didn't. I didn't cry. I didn't let him hurt me or affect my mood. I committed to staying calm, having an adult conversation, and I freaking succeeded! In those fourty five minutes he taked in circles about how I ruined his life, how much he hated me, how I was greedy and wasn't getting my hands on his deployment money, how he shouldn't have to pay for half of Addy's school, and that I should have to pay for half of her travel expenses to go see him, how I ruined his life and now he has to come home to an empty house and he just wants this over with...I'm sorry, did I hit you, did I cheat on you, did I tell you that you and OUR BABY had till Friday to get out of MY house? Do you still live in our family home that WE purchased, with all of our family stuff, is Adaline's crib still set up in her nursery that we decorated together for her, are you still sleeping in the bed we picked out together, with the bedding I saved for months for...are you still eating ramen noodles off my freaking pottery barn dishes. Well, yah I think you are. While I'm back in my parents basement, trying to pick up the pieces of the mess you made...starting over with nothing, while you stay in your little castle made of sand high and mighty hating on me!


Okay maybe I would
Dont get your panties in a knot divas, I didn't say any of that! There was a lot of "okay, I'm sorry YOU feel that way" and "What would you like me to do to make it so you don't feel that way" halle-freakin-fraggin-lujah. I did it, I bit my sassy tongue, and I just let him be crazy crazy crazy. And in the end when he didn't get the reaction he wanted out of me, he said in a huff and a puff "Fine then, I'll just get a restraining order and take your ass to court here." Okay King, Okay.

Seriously? Whatthefuckingfuck?! It's amazing when I don't allow myself to get emotional, and choose not to get sucked in a board the crazy train how much I can really SEE the way he minipulates and abuses every single conversation, and probably always has. He is honestly crazy.



It's about damn time...I know. I really feel like everything is starting to come together. I feel like I'm working through the stages of greiving this loss of the "family" I so desperately struggled to keep together for the last few months. I can finally see the man I married, or at least the man he's become, for who he really is. And yah' know what, I'm not even mad. I don't fault him for not being able to handle it. I mean yah, he's an abusive, lying, cheating douche bag, but that's who he is and he's not my problem any more. Amen. What a freaking blessing!!! I'm ending this work week thankful for the lesson in this disasterous mess, thankful that I get to go home and kiss my baby and I don't have to fight with anyone anymore, I don't have to tolerate anyone's abusive behavior anymore, I don't have to worry about someone else hurting my heart again because they decided not to call because they were too busy hiking with the next best thing...Girls, I'm growing. I'm so thankful for all of you, and my amazing family, and my beautiful little Addy. And really, I'm thankful for The King, I'm thankful for the life we lived and how strong it made me...even if I have my weak moments, I am who I am, and I am strong enough to start over, because I was strong enough to survive the crazy with him.