New size 14..

So this morning I made a big mistake...
I put on my OLD size 14 A&F jeans that I purchased while on my ever expanding journey I like to refer to as Adam courting me...
Apparently eating out every meal doesn't make for a slim waist line...
Uhhhhh duhhhhh.
Now let me first remind you that I have recently gone from a 20 to a 14...
And all the 14's I've bought in the last few months are getting a bit too loose...
So I thought "hey, I just want to see how my old stuff fits"
I was about 185 the last time I wore them, and am 20 pounds heavier then that but I'd like to think some of that is muscle since I work my butt off now, something I certainly didn't do in those days.
Anyways I'll get to the point.
They didn't freaking fit.
Like not they wouldn't button fit
But like cant get them over my ass don't fit.
What. The. Hell.
So then I decided to take a few pairs of my current 14's and match them up to my old ones....
Their WAY bigger.
Like 2 inches on each side ((atleast)) bigger.
Why have stores today changed the way they size their clothes to make it so more of us fit in smaller sizes.
I feel cheated.
Thanks a lot A&F thanks a lot!

It's okay to rest....

I have been working my bootay off for the last 3 weeks...literally
When I weighed Monday I had lost another 2 pounds,
2 0 5...
I have officially lost 65 pounds in 10 months.
Woot woot.
I'm trying for another 10 this month, & I'll get there!
So back to "it's okay to rest"
I recently joined a fit group fb page for the ladies @ the air force base out here in little rock...
I've noticed that it has really helped all of us to have that little extra accountability of checking in every day and saying "hey I worked extra hard today, or hey today I'm feeling lazy"
The other thing I've noticed is some people, in my opinion are too flipping extreme.
I have not stopped the last three weeks, I have been:
-walking 2.5 miles in the morning
-doing turbo fire in the evenings
-walking another 2.5 miles and doing c25k once the sun starts to go down with Add in the jogger
-then after all the lifting weights and doing other strength stuff at night once the beebe is in bed
...for three straight weeks...
Needless to say I got worn out!
Monday after our walk in the oh so comfortable 100*+ heat I was exhausted.
I decided to take a rest this week, I've been walking only 2.5 miles since monday and nothing else.
Last night Addy looked at me and said "walk mommy, peassseeee"
So obviously I got my fat butt in gear and got out there!
Once I was out there I felt so good so refreshed.
I ended up running, not c25k running, but just decided to go for it.
Well I ran an entire mile and a half and took 1 min 30sec off my run...
I felt like a beast!
Moral of the story is, it's okay to rest.
Sometimes your body needs to recover, and that's okay.
I hardly think 4 days of taking it easy is going to derail my long term goal.
Intact I think it helped me...
This week showed me the rewards of listening to my body.
Learn to listen once and a while...
It will do you some good.

It Clicked...

Tonight I'm feeling pretty unstoppable!
In fact all week so far I've been feeling that way!
I have been working so hard all week, I cannot wait till weigh in Monday morning!!
I'm really starting to feel Changes in my * b o d *
How awesome does that feel!?!?
Addy and I logged 5 miles today, TWO of those were running...
I'm still as slow as a snail but I'm proud to be out there working hard.

Every morning I've been waking up looking forward to exercising...
Every morning I wake up ready to feed my body for fuel...
Every morning I wake up ready to become a better version of myself!

I feel like I've been a better mom to Addy Bear, and that feels awesome too!
Today in this moment I am happy, I recognize and respect how far I've come in the last year and though I still have a ways to go I know I'll get there!!

On a lighter note, who doesn't like to look cute while you sweat?!?
...anyone?
That's what I thought we ALL like to look cute while we sweat! In one of the blogs I read & inspired me to do my own && get back on the wagon working harder then ever ((mamalaughlin)) she always has these cute tanks with sassy sayings! Tonight I purchased myself a couple!!

You can check them out ((I tried to post pictures but still haven't figured it out on the I pad)) @ ruffles with love on etsy! hopefully by the time I get my tank I will have figured out how to upload a picture :)

Have a great night everyone && if you haven't already...
Get out there and break a sweat!!!!

What Am I Missing....

Today is Tuesday. Two weeks in and I'm still working hard...
B u t I got on the scale yesterday and it said
2 0 7
So close yet so far..
I was really hoping to see a 100 # this week...
It's been 3 years and boy do I miss those 1's...
I DID drink this weekend, a VERY large bottle of wine over the course of three days..
And I DID eat out at Fridays on Saturday with Adam...
BUT I ordered a salad & only ate a few of his fries..
I was pretty proud of myself too, I really wanted that jack daniels wrap
BUT I chose the salad with the "under750 calories" icon...
By the way how sick is thar...
750 calories is more then half of what I consume on a daily basis, I don't even want to think about how many calories are in my beloved wrap & fries!!!

On the running front...
Stella and I went for our normal run Friday night...
Except after 3/4 a mile I had to take a shortcut home, my shinsplints are back...
I was so sad, and in pain I cried!!
Nevertheless I'm pushing on thus week, walking my butt off, hopefully literally not figuratively!
Sticking with my turbo fire, squatting like a mother and lifting every night!
The results will come, I just need to be patient.
It's tough to look in the mirror and hate your body & the Way it looks...
(though I do notice a huge difference in height of my bootayyy & less cellulite)
To think I was 60+ pounds heavier this time last year, what was I thinking...
I know exactly what I was thinking....
All my friends were fatter then me and I was thinking "at last I'm smaller then them"
Since then we've trimmed the mean, ugly fat from our lives...literally & are no longer friends with our fat friends.
So now it's just me and my body alone, only thing left to compare to is Adam's 170lb perfectly muscled bod...
S h o o t m e p u h l e a s e e e e...


Chugg chugg chugging...
Going to keep working hard
BUT..time to go be a mommy.
Love to all, chat soon!

D-Day...

Today is Dooms Day...
Well at least that's how I felt when I got on the scale this morning...
It was my time of the month this past week, which usually results in a 10lb water weight gain, it's a vicious cycle..
I work hard, my period comes, gain weight, fight to get it off, my period comes, I gain weight...
You get the idea! Well I got on the scale and it said..
((drum roll please))
2 0 9 That means I lost F I V E pounds last week...
I did make a point of it to exercise every day, but I definitely didn't need those two bowls of ice cream this weekend, or that sonic & McDonald's twice last week...
Though I did change what I ordered...
At sonic I had a grilled chicken sandwich on a whole wheat bun with a small fry and diet soda.
Normally I would eat Chicken strips, Mozzarella sticks, a LARGE fry, a sonic blast AND a diet soda! Holy hell, that is more then 2 days worth of calories in one meal!
B U T never the less, I still lost weight!!
So this week I am expecting an even bigger loss!
I'm restarting a round of turbo fire, and committing to 3 miles at least three times a week running & walking mixed.
My goal is to run/walk every day, but today after 6 straight days my shins are on fire!
Pushing that heavy stroller & fighting the resistance of the big lug of a dog was tough!
But I will continue to work my hardest && this week will be even better then last week!

My Sweet Thoughtful Husband

Last night Adam got out of work early, so he decided to stop at McDonalds and get me some chicken nuggets. I've been feeling sick, and I'm PMSing and well, French fries and diet soda are after all the key to my heart. And of course I H A D to eat it, it would hurt his feelings if I hadn't! <--((insert sarcasm here))
For the last week I've been eating clean(er) cutting out processed foods...mostly eating like a rabbit with come chicken mixed in!
So since my consumption of Adam's gift of Mcdonalds I have been S I C K! 12 hours ago I ate it && ever since I've been tethered to the bathroom. (unpleasant but true)
Moral of the story is...say no to McDonalds (although I know that's never going to happen) BUT I will think twice next time I crave it, I've worked so hard this week trying to get my eating habits back on track and then last night chose to eat something I shouldn't have & I am P A Y I N G for it...big time!

Adam works a funky schedule 1:30-12am, so I don't get to run as much anymore. Here in Arkansas the heat gets up to 110* usually and I have to wait till dark to run...well for the holiday weekend Adam has 5 days off, so that means F I V E nights that I get to run! I have my Nike+ app and play list all ready to go. I can't wait till the sun goes down!!!! :) will report back later with how the run went! For now it's off to do laundry & spend the afternoon in the pool with my loves!!

Happy Independence Day everyone!!!

The Ugly Truth

I have become obsessed lately with fitness/nutrition blogs, & the stories of the women who write them! I cannot get enough of them I see them on pinterest and link after link, entry after entry I'm inspired! I'm hoping that like so many other's that "putting it all out there for the world to see" will be the final push of accountability I will need to finally reach my destination of those skinny jeans nicely folded, waiting in the back of the closet!

Where did it all start...

Now I cannot remember a time when I was happy with my body.

 I remember a time when I was walking around in size 5 jeans looking at myself in the mirror and seeing a fat cow...for that demented perspective I blame the public school system & Abercrombie!

 ((kidding...but for real))

Fast Forward a few years, a knee injury, a new boyfriend & an engagement later..

As sick as this is to even admit in print...on my wedding day I walked down the isle in a size 16 dress

I didn't go near the scale in those days but I can estimate my weight was rite above the 200lb mark.

Over the course of our dating years I gained a steady 10 pounds a year

Then we got engaged and I gained 20 pounds that W I N T E R. ((gagg me))

Just days after our wedding Adam went off to boot camp for 12 weeks & I began a boot camp of my own!

In those 12 weeks I lost 35 pounds & was feeling like a hot tomalley on that H O T June day in Texas the first time I saw my Airman!

3 Months later we became pregnant with our little spider monkey Adaline Charlotte

&& what a number she did on my body!

By the time my 8 week checkup rolled around I had gained back 25 of the 35 pounds I worked so hard to loose, and was sitting at a hefty 195pounds.

"WHAT THAT SCALE IS A DIRTY ROTTEN LIAR"

I recall asking the doctor if that was even possible since the last time I weighed I weighed F A R less!

I blame my husband who has a rockin' bod  no matter what he eats, AND my demented notion that I too should be able to eat exactly as he did and maintain a healthy weight!
Somehow a bag of diorites, a heaping bowl of ice cream, or two double cheeseburgers and a large fry does not amount to a calorie value that would yield a normal weight...
W H O K N E W

By the time June rolled around & delivery day came I was weighing in at a staggering 287 pounds...wahhh!

I was a giant, looking back now I am not surprised my body now looks the way it does. 

Our little Bear was a bigggg girl ((just like her moooma..extra emphasis on the M O O)) weighing in at 9lb 6oz. && we were oh so very happy to have her here!

The week after we came home from the hospital I made a brave step and stood on the scale, FULLY expecting to have lost a good 30 pounds. After all, I WAS  breast feeding & Addy alone weighed nearly 10 pounds! 

(( I say this with a T H I C K layer of sarcasm oozing from every word))

Imagine my surprise when rite there in blazing red digital numbers were the numbers

2 7 5

12 freaking pounds, all I lost was 12 measly pounds..

Again " THE SCALE IS A DIRTY ROTTEN LIAR"

unfortunately that is NOT true.

Let's face it...The scale N E V E R lies

Again we are going to fast forward about a year, after our first deployment, lots of stress, sleepless nights, and a few failed attempts at weight loss and a hiatus from the scale...

It is August of 2011 and we're home in NY visiting...

The picture that changed my life was taken by my lovely Mom...((who promptly posted it on FB))

Holy cow...((literally MOOO)) 

I remember seeing this & deciding to step on the scale, again I was surprised, though I shouldn't have been when the scale read

2 5 5

Scariest part is, I had lost weight in this picture, quite a bit too...
So I estimate at my heaviest post baby weight I was up to about 2 7 5
Holy CRAP...gagg

shoot me!!

I had previously gotten down to 213 during Adam's first deployment, only to shoot rite back up once he got home and I started cooking for him again!

So we came home to Arkansas, I started a round of p90x and began using body by Vi...

In just 3 short months I was down 25 pounds to 230...

Adam and I on my 21st Birthday (( I felt so H O T)) I had worked so hard just to get here!

Now November comes, One more deployment, I fall in love with Chalene Johnson & Turbo Fire && loose another 15 pounds by February. 

The weather gets nice, and I decide I miss running.

((prior to my knee injury I was a soccer player && under these layers of fat that runner is still in there somewhere))

With the couch to 5k program (thank you pinterest) I lost another 10 pounds between March and May!

2 0 5...so close to finally after 3 1/2years to being under the 200 mark

T H E N Mom came to visit & we went on vacation and I gained 9 pounds.

S E R I O U S L Y.

So here I sit today, frustrated but not giving up, at a F A T 214.6 pounds.

Well, at least that's what the scale said Sunday...

This week I have made a real effort to eat clean(er) and try to find time and energy to exercise.

So let's do this...I want out of the 200's and I'm not going back. 

I miss my size 10 jeans (I'm currently a 14) and this fall I will F I T in them.

No excuses.

My pilgrimage to MILFdom began Monday morning.

This time WILL be different!