All the suddnen it happens...

All of the sudden you wake up to realize it's been a month since you last cried.
This means your heart has healed.
Right?
This means you are stronger then before.
Right?
This means you are ready to let your walls down.
Right?
This means you are ready to leave the past behind and never look back.
Right?
This means you are ready to live.
For yourself, for your child, for your future.
Right?

For the first time in the last oh god, five years, I can honestly say I am happy.
I am ready to live. I am okay with being a single mother. I can thruthfull say that if Adam were to come home tomorrow and asked us to come home, I would say no.

I can't even remember anymore what that hurt felt like, I don't want to.
I can't remember what Adam's hand felt like in mine, I don't want to.
I can't remember what it felt like to fall asleep on his chest, I don't want to.
I can't remember his smell, or his skin, I can't even remember his voice.
I don't want to.

I want to enjoy my life, I want happiness for Adaline and I.
I want to be strong, I want her to look back and see that I made a life for us.
I want her to see that I saved us from a life of unhappiness.
I want her to look at the man who will ultimately raise her and know that he was the man God intended to be her Dad, Adam will always just be her father.
I want to look back on these next years with no regrets.
I want to love my life and everyone in it.

I am ready to love.
I am ready to live.
I am ready to fall.
I am ready to trust.


"Now I'll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So tame my flesh
And fix my eyes
A tethered mind freed from the lies"