Friday, March 22, 2013

Freak Me Friday No More!!

You've all heard me refer to Friday's as "freak me friday" usually the king is either coming home from a trip or on his way out, and Saturdays are his day to talk to Adaline. SO Fridays usually mean an angry phone call for some reason or another, I get yelled at, get all worked up, end up spending the day crying...NOT THIS WEEK!

Last weekend I got a new phone, and the king doesn't have the number. Hands down the BEST decision I have ever ever ever made.

He was supposed to deposit a very large amount of money he owes me into my bank acct. by yesterday, he didn't. I spent the whole entire day yesterday crying. That money is for addy, how could he deny her anything. Every time I looked at her yesterday I started sobbing. Today my eyes are red, chapped and sore from crying so much. I didn't even know I had those many tears in me.

I'm not going to lie to you, but I have been lying to myself. For the last six months I have been expecting for adam to show up one day at the door or walk into work with fried chicken like he used to do when we fought (true former fatty fashion, he bribed me with food) but guess what, he hasn't come. He isn't coming. He is never coming back for us. Not for me. Not for his baby. This is our life now, he doesn't want us, he never will. But we have so much love and happiness around us that more then makes up for anything that crappy man could have ever given to us.

Yesterday broke my heart. It was like all the sudden I woke up. This isn't a deployment, we won't be going home next week to get the house ready for our Airman, make a banner, pick out homecoming outfits and bake all his favorite things. He's not ours anymore (not that we want him) and we are not his.

From today forward, Adaline is my family. I am a single parent. Addy Bear was born with two parents, but will be raised by only one, ME. It's time to stop waiting for life to happen, to wait for him to come rescue us. All he did was hurt and destroy us when we were a family anyways. As much as I am broken into a million pieces, as much as it kills me that he doesn't care, it's not going to change. I will be a stronger mom, woman, and future wife because of this terrible thing the king has done to us.

I will survive. We will survive with out him. We will be so much better off!!!!


  1. You're my hero. Good for you for standing up & not waiting around any longer. You are a super woman.

  2. Good for you sweetie! It's takes alot of strength, courage, and faith to make a decision like that, and in my opinion, YOU MADE THE BEST ONE for you and that precious little girl! Lots of love and prayers for more courage and strength to get through the tough days ahead!


  3. I completely understand where you are coming from. The anger and frustration. You are an amazing woman and that beautiful little girl will love you more than she will ever be able to express to you. She will see all the amazing things you have done as well as the struggles you have overcome. One day at a time. Don't force what won't work. Some puzzle pieces are not ment to fit. Things are always brighter at the end of the tunnel... Getting there and seeing that light flickering will become brighter! You can do this!


  4. Let that beautiful daughter of yours see what a strong loving mama she has. She is all you need..

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