Monday, March 25, 2013

Not Mine to Give

Having someone to love is a beautiful thing.
Until it's not.
Until the pain is just too much to bare
Until the tears are more frequent then not
Until the ache never subsides
Until you lose yourself.
You lose yourself in his words.
In his actions.
In his hate and in his lies.

Sometimes it feels like seconds,
Sometimes it feels like days,
Sometimes it feels like a lifetime since he said those words.
Since he kicked me and our baby to the side, putting only himself first.
How quickly he replaced us, with the next best thing.
How much that shattered me for far too long.

Having someone to love is a beautiful thing.

I am content right here, right now.
I know how much I am worth.
I have one pair of bright blue evers who look at me every day like I'm the queen of the world
...the queen of her world.
I will move mountains for those two blue eyes and angel lips.

The tables have finally turned,
I am not angry, I am not sad.
I have pitty for The King...
This life that he gave up, he has no idea what he is missing.
One day he will.
It will be too late,
It is already FAR too late.

Today I am content, I am comfortable
I am scared
I am guarded
I am alone
I am happy
I am weak
I am strong

I will find myself again in those blue eyes.
I will be her queen.

I don't want to fall in love again,
I cannot trust
I cannot see anything besides those two blue eyes.
They will not ever feel or see the pain that my own eyes have.

I have nothing to give and everything to lose.
I cannot imagine a life with anyone besides my little.

I am in love with two blue eyes and a pair of angel lips.

She is my soul.
It's not mine to give.


  1. This is so beautiful!!

    Love you girl! So much!!

  2. Oh my gosh! Im on the edge of tears! I lend my heart out to you! So sweet and so honest! Thank you for sharing those words! Im lifting you up in prayer to heal your heart! Amazing words! Keep your head up!

  3. beautiful words. so much of it, I can relate to.