Wednesday, August 21, 2013

I'd still choose you.

Your hands can heal,
Your hands can bruise.
I don't have a choice,
But I'd still choose you.
I don't love you,
But I always will...

No truer words ever existed.
In so many ways I am a better person, I'm happier, my life is full.
Emotionally I feel fulfilled, something I never felt in my marriage.
I am starting to remember all the reasons I absolutely despised Adam & the way I never trusted him.
The way when something went wrong I always turned to my Dad and then fixed it myself.
Adam was never the head of our household, physically, mentally or spiritually.
For years I pushed him away and wines that I wanted to go home.
How could he not stray from our marriage?
He knew I hated him, but he also knew I was too loyal to ever leave!
So he did what he had to to make me go.
He tried yelling, that didn't work.
He tried hitting, that didn't work.
Then he admitted to cheating, even that almost didn't work.
It wasn't until the day I looked in Addy's eyes as he held me against the wall that I knew it was time to go.
I hate him so much.
He failed us.
He isn't a man.
...why does my soul still ache for him?
...why deep in my gut do I feel like calling him in the middle of the night when I wake up from a bad dream, or when addy does something exciting?

1 comment:

  1. Because you love and miss the man you always wanted him to be in your mind. Not the real person that he is.