Rising every time we fall...

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising everytime we fall."

twenty two weeks.

That's how long ago I started crossfit.
Twenty weeks ago my heart was in pieces.
I was 40 pounds heavier.
I was lonley.
And I had absolutely no idea who I was anymore now that I wasn't "Adam's Wife"
All my best friends were 1500 miles away.
I was miserable, and lost, and I felt like a failure.

In the last twenty two weeks I have started to put myself together agian.
Crossfit gave me confidence, strength, taught me to love myself again.
Crossfit gave me a family.
Crossfit has made me a better Mother, a more patient person.
Crossfit has taught me how strong I really am.
Crossfit has given me the strength to tell Adam to go to hell, and actually mean it.
Crossfit has given me a place to escape...to work out all my emotions.

Every bit of work I put into crossfit, I get back.
Something I did not get from my marriage.

Being a single, divorced, young mother is something that I was ashamed of.
Now I know it shows how strong I am.
I made a choice to leave a bad situation, to protect my baby and myself.
To not settle for something that no longer made me happy.
I didn't "run" away from my marriage.
I didn't "quit" my marriage because it was hard.
I left because I was getting less then I deserved.

In those last weeks I found strength somewhere inside of myself...
As soon as I got home, I lost it.

The day I walked into crossfit I found it again.

I had a bad week this week, I let myself get frustrated, I QUIT my first WOD ever...
I cried and freaked out because I failed at something.
Crossfit girls don't do that.
I don't do that.Adam used to always say to me "You never finish anything you start..."
He knew that would cut deeper than anything he could have ever said.
He was always so good with words that way.
But it wasn't true then, and it isn't true now.
On Wednesday as I sat on the loading dock and cried all I heard was Adam...
"You never finish anything to start"
Over and Over and Over.

Wednesday I talked to my girlfriends that I crossfit with, they reminded me how far I have come and encouraged me.
Wednesday Izz's dad followed me out of the gym to see what was wrong...
Because I don't quit but that night I did.
He talked to me for a good twenty minutes, and I felt so much better when I left.
This morning Izz texted me to ask if I was alright, told me to come back Monday stronger.
Reminded me that everyone has an off day, that we fail so that we are stronger in life.
Afterall it's how we rise from the fall that defines us, not the fall itself.

The most valuable thing Crossfit has given me is a family.
Not the kind of family I had with Adam, the kind where you give everything...
And in return get torn down.
NO.
Crossfit has given me the kind of family that builds eachother up, and encourages eachother.
When one of us falls we pick eachother up.
That is the kind of family I am proud to be part of.