Saturday, November 10, 2012

A Life Uncommon...

Lend your voices only to sounds of freedom
No longer lend your strength to that which you wish to be free from
Fill your lives with love and bravery
And you shall lead a life uncommon...

I am a child of the 90's. Tonight as I sat here thinking of my day with my B E A U T I F U L child who I look to every day for strength in-between episodes of pulling my hair out and listened to Jewel, I found peace with this day...

Today I decided after nap time Adaline and I would go on a Mommy & Daughter date. This would be the first time in 84 days that I have been out in public alone with my child. And I survived...barely and was able to avoid crying like a little baby in public! Though I do feel GOD surely tested me today...

Nuclear Meltdown Moment...

Picture this, we just did some serious shopping at Target, and had TONS of fun. Tons. We are at the check out almost out of the store with out a single melt down from either of us...
...then she sees h i m...
The man who I saw a literally around every corner as we shopped, and had to keep convincing myself he was NOT in fact really there.
Well that didn't work, because well, clearly he WAS there
So I did the next best thing...
I just kept looking down whenever I saw him out of the corner of my eye....
He was a tan skinned man, wearing a half zip sweater, and a navy yankees hat.
... He looked exactly like Adam, our Dada.
Adaline screamed out for him when she saw him..."Dada, my Dada!! C'omere. That your boy? Hi Boy!!" ((the man was with his son)) I had to explain to her that he was in fact not her "dada" even though he did look scarily identical, mean while all I really wanted to do was run to the bathroom and fall in the damned toilet
Then of course he is with his pregnant baby mamma, and Addy is M A D that he is with her, she's yelling at him "NO this my Momma, comereee Dada" SERIOUSLY, S H O O T me!! Again I had to explain to her, that was not her Dada, and that her Dada was "working."How else do you explain this freakin' mess to a two year old...?

Well anyways we made it out of Target alive, after my worst nightmare came true.

...And promptly drove to Friendly's for ice cream to distract Addy from what just happened...or maybe it was to distract ME from what just happened.

I don't know if it was the hot fudge, or watching the pure JOY in that beautiful child's face as she ate her "monserrr" sundae...But all of the sudden I was happy, I had forgotten about Target. I had forgotten about h i m. I had forgotten Adam wasn't there. I hadn't even noticed that for the first time I was truly alone ((in so many ways)) with MY Daughter.

We had a wonderful time today, in spite of our run in with the "enemy"...
We bought tons of craft stuff, paint, pipe cleaners, popsicle sticks, markers! Tomorrow morning we are going to go on a scavenger hunt & then make some fun turkey themed crafts! I'm super excited, but also already cringing just thinking about the hand print turkeys...two year old with painted hands....uhhhhhhhhhhh kill me now so much fun. We came home played with Memmay, and Adaline ended the night dancing around the loft in her "princess" night gown.
Peaceful. Happy. Blessed.

Every day it is your choice to turn your day into what Y O U want it to be, and to take from it the things Y O U choose to remember. Today I realized how I am really now officially alone in the sense that I do not have my husband by my side to parent Adaline with me, and that sucks but I DO have my wonderful family, and all of our crayy crayy friends to keep us smiling. We are two of the luckiest girls on the planet. When Adaline is in her twenties, I want her to think of me fondly with love, and to think I was strong and brave, and know that everything I did, I did for her...
I want to live a life u n c o m m o n
For my baby sun & my moon, my little lady bug. For she is my world, and she is growing every single day & I don't want to waste a minute of her childhood!!

And Here Are Some Pictures Of Our Date Today:

she wore the head band all around Target and kept telling me I had to kiss her...she's such a ham.
I love her so yes I do.

She was SO excited to eat her ice cream

When did she get SO big

Oh, no my kid isn't OCD like her mother or anything....



1 comment:

  1. This is what is meant to be : a daughter and her Momma out on a date. It took all I had as your Momma and littles Memmay not to go with you two. I knew I HAD to stay here in the nest and let you two birds fly solo!!!! I'm so proud of you Alexandra. You are the Mom and I am the Memmay and she will always be your bestest and your kindred spirit as you are mine!!! Watching you go through this: terrible----not being able to fix it UNBEARABLE. There are people and circumstances we will never understand or maybe even accept that there are changes occurring Of this is am SURE God has a much GRANDER PLAN for you and my sweet ladybug. Remember we do not know the out come on this side of heaven with our crazy free will and all. This I do know we are all her lovining eachother one day at a time. Keeping our eyes on our ladybug and our hearts full of faith is what we can be sure of. This is truly a test for me as well. I've never (even with all the other crisis we have faced of which there has been many) I've never been stretched or tested this much. I just want to wrap you in arms (after I clobber him and bust up his jeep) wrap you in my arms and rub your forehead and fix all the wrong tha has been done to you. Alexandra I'm sooooo glad you ventured out. I knew you could do it!!! It's time for you to be the Momma with the fabulous little ladybug that every one is in awe if. (I've been there and it's FUN). Now I'm the Momma with the strong beautiful young daughter who is finally spreading her own wings on the way to feathering her own proverbial nest. Lord pave the way with love and compassion. Karen, your Mom you kindered spirit