Must Love Dogs....and Children

Just coming out of an awful, no good, very very bad marriage The Divas and I thought it might be a good idea to make a list of criteria a future husband must meet. Eventually I will date, just not until our divorce is finalized, because unlike adam The Devil I don't think it's appropriate to date while you are still legally married. Especially while you're still sleeping in bed next to your wife every night and not mentioning to her you are also getting it in with some other dirty nasty soulless woman. Being back in this small town again, I think I'm going to have to resort to the world of online dating. I just don't have the time or patients to weed out the losers, I'd prefer for the experts at match to do that for me.

1. No Children...yes it may be a little hypocritical, since I have a child. BUT there are days I can barely mother my own flesh and blood, I could never something that I didn't carry in and birth from my own loins. Plus I have enough babymamadrama of my own, I don't want any one else's.

2. Must Love Dogs...and people. Adam was a miserable self-serving human being, and hated anything or anyone that didn't have anything to offer him. So Prince Charming...he's gotta love dogs. Is there anything cuter then a man with his pup riding shot gun, I don't think so.

3. No Ugly Feet or Dad Jeans...I hate socks...expecially in bed. If your feet are so ugly I cringe when they graze mine in bed...that is a problem. And as for the "dad jeans" Mandy Pants was set up on a blind date with a guy we like to refer to as "dad jeans" yes, he really wore tapered leg, high waisted jeans...to go with his white new balance sneakers. That IS a deal breaker.

4. Nice Mother...My last MIL could be compared to "The Dragon Lady" in the movie Monster In-Law...not going down that road again.

5. Should be able to remember the first name of every woman they have been with...the less chances of them having and STD or illegitimate child they have never met, the better.

6. Must like naps...this girl loves a good nap, and naps are always so much better if you have someone who likes to hold you while you sleep.

7. Likes to Get His Hands Dirtayyy...there is just something about callouses, and muscles from hard work that really get my juices flowing. Bonus points if he knows what to do under the hood of a car...preferably shirtless and covered in grease.

8. Foreplay & Fifty Shades...Now my FH is going to need to have an idea of foreplay that consists of more then his morning wood being poked into my backside. There is nothing alluring about that at all and all you men need to stop doing it. Read Fifty, read it again {and again and again} memorize it and get familiarized with Christian Grey style "kinky-fuckery" After all the key to a woman's heart is a romantic man who can also pull her hair and smack her bootayyy.

9. Must Do Laundry...I loved every minute of being a housewife...besides the laundry. I hate laundry, and you get super bonus points if you like to fold {and wash and iron AND put away} the family laundry.

10. Must Love Kids & Believe in God....On our last day together when I realized Adam was not going to ever give me what I wanted...he told me "he didn't want anymore kids ever, and he didn't believe in God." Now there is nothing I like more then being pregnant, and jesus is my savior, so my man has gotta know all the words to "Grace Like Rain" or at least be willing to learn them.

11. Must Be Independently Successful...being married to a military man, I have made enough sacrifices for a lifetime in just 4 short years. I would like to actually get to see my FH more then a few times a month, and I would like to not have to move away from my family again. Never ever again. Also I would like to focus on my career, and making babies, I'd like for war to not get in the way of that.

12. Must NOT Cheat...{or hit, or yell} seems like a no-brainer I know, but I can attest to the fact first hand that there are some men boys that don't know that none of those things are appropriate.

I'm sure by the time everything is finalized, the papers are signed, and the glorious day comes that I am awarded full custody of Addy Bear, I will have other things added to the list. For example, must have a vehicle, must not live in his mother's basement, must be devilishly handsome {not to be confused with being the actual devil}, and obviously he must love my little Addy!!!!