Wednesday, December 5, 2012

fly fly away

I have been busy with my sick little bear, and am oh so sorry I have neglected you bitoches.
Last night I stayed up super late, and so far this morning I have spent my time with my nose burried in my phone reading my home girl Lindsey's aka Nancy Clue {if you don't read her blog, DO IT, you're guranteed to laugh your butt off}...She sent me an email with her old blog entries, and basically the shit storm that was her divorce. I've been reading and I can't stop, I love it, it makes me laugh...
It scares the shit out of me how different the rise and inevitable fall of both of our marriages were so different, yet exactly the same in so many ways...
More about that in a bit.

First on Today's Agenda Operation MILFdom
I weighed today...
I lost another 6 pounds...
That means I have lost the 11 pounds I gained since I moved back home
AND an additional 3 more pounds.
I love that picture.
I know you've seen it a million times, but when you really see what 15 pounds of fat looks like, its a good motivator to not put it back on.
Now I can only imagaine what the 75 pounds of fat I have lost would look like sitting outside my body...
Probably like when Oprah went on that liquid diet and wheeled her fat out in a wagon...
Yes a freaking wagon people, AND that was only 65 pounds I believe!
15 pounds in 2 weeks.
It took me 6 weeks to put it on, two to get rid of it.
That shit never happens.
A to the M. E. N.
I'd love to tell you I worked hard for that weigh loss...
But truth is I just did the old anorexia stop putting shit in my mouth trick.
It works.
The constant feeling of sickness and stress induced IBS that comes from going through a divorce to a flipping sociopath doesn't hurt the cause either.
My skinny jeans that gave me muffin top 2 weeks ago now are approaching the dreaded "Baggy Butt" stage after being on for only an hour.
Again. A to the M. E. N
{I really want to wear leather leggings to celebrate Mandy Pants 23rd birfdayyy at the end of January, I'm gonna get there}
This week now that all is normal, and it's already half over. ha.
I need to get back on the body pump wagon after two weeks off bc of an upper respitory/fluish super bug that hit our house!
Stay tuned, next week will be just as sucessful!
EVENTHOUGH tomorrow night the Divas and I are going on a date and I can already taste my italian margarita.
nomm nomm nomm.

Okay, Now those of you who haven't ever been divorced.
Don't do it.
This shit is not fun.
This shit is not effing easy.
This shit is not in the least bit s.i.m.p.l.e
It's kind of like trying to get out of a petting zoo with pockets stuffed with twenty-five cent food pellets...
It's impossible to do quickly, with out getting your hands dirty, and leaving with out your shoes completely covered in shit.
Basically what I'm trying to say is it's hard. Fucking hard.
No I would not rather stay married to an abusive, lying, cheating sociopath.
BUT some days I think it would have been easier then divorcing him.
Now, I was the one who got the lawyer here in New York
PAID the freaking $2,700 to have the agreement drafted. redrafted. redrafted again. and redrafted again because The King wasn't happy with it.
I absolutely love to call him that..."The King" it happens to be our last name.
And I think Adam got confused that when you are given a last name it isn't necessairly a title...
If it were his last name would be Muthafucka...
Consequentialy that would mean mine would be too, and Addy's...
There is no such thing as an angelic enough first name to make Muthafucka sound cute.
The point is...he thinks his shit doesn't stink.
And apparently he also thinks that he is above the law.
Now I do not care if your flipping butt buddies with Govenor Cuomo {which clearly Adam is not}
New York State Law still applies to you.
Adam has spent the last month kicking and screaming about the fact that he has to endure another 9 months married to me.
Which I don't get...the paper that confirmed our marriage didn't mean a damned thing to him, so why is the piece of paper nullifying our sacred union so important.
He says he just wants to be free...
Well your free little fly away.
And into the windsheild of a fast moving tractor trailer. puhleaseeee

I was watching teen mom 2 Tuesday nigh {don't even try and play like you don't love that shit, okay maybe everyone doesn't but I have watched that train wreck since day one, and I even enjoy a re-run marathon from time to time. I.CAN'T.GET.ENOUGH}
I used to like it because in a twisted way it made me feel better about myself.
I wasn't a single teen mother, my hair wasn't bleached to the point I was often confused with the scare crow from wizard of oz, AND my boyfriend's name wasn't Keefahhhh.
BUT now I watch it, and I sympathize with those bitties
This week particularly when Kaylin and Joe are going to mediation...
If you didn't watch it I'll set up the scene for you.
Basically Kaylin wants Isacc every other weekend, instead of Joe having him every weekend because instead of actually spending time with the child he goes out with his chicken head girlfriend, drinks underage, and posts pictures on the facebooks.
Anyways, so there Kaylin sits with her little lawyer lady, and in walks Joe.
Mr.Swagg...or so he thinks, with his bitch cofee drink with whipped cream on top, strutting his shit, lookin' like a fool
And I immediately burst into tears and said out loud to myself
"This is my freaking life"
And proceeded to cry.
Then I looked at my phone...

New message from The King:
"how are you?
what are you doing?
you there?"

"I'm here, why are you asking me that. We aren't friends, we aren't anything, don't talk to me unless it relates to my daughter."

The King:
"Well I went and saw a lawyer today, I need to call you"

So okayyyy I agree, he calls, he talks out his ass and I listen. He says the lawyer said he can still file in NY first if he wants to, yadda yadda yadda. I tell him go ahead, it costs another $2,500 and I do not care, he already has the house the car, and everything else. He has taken every material posession I have ever had, he can't take anything else, because no one in their right mind would give that psyco Adaline I won't let him get MY baby. And hung up.

He calls back...

Me: What?
Him: "I'm sorry babe, I just want to get this over, I want you to be able to move on with your life and I don't think you can do that while we are still married. How do you want this to work, what can I do to make this easier for you. I want you to be happy"
"Well NYS law says we have to wait 12 months dipshit, AND I am moving on with my life. What will make me happy is for you to leave me and Addy the hell alone, pay your child support on time with out a fight, and I will see you in court in August."
Him: Insert pitty party here "I'll be deployed in August, Babe." {and yes the fuckface still calls me babe}
Me: "Okay, then I'll see you in court in September." Hangs up phone.

The point of sharing that conversation is to display the INSANITY that fills that idiots head...and in turn my life. One day I am a C*^% the next day I'm babe. Adam is a self serving, egotistical, manipulative sonofabitch. AND I am in shambles trying to figure out how I never saw it before. I feel like an emotional basket case, a husk of the person I used to be...because of him. Because he fucked me up so bad, and still attempts to dig his tallons into me. And if you ask me the shithead was probably taping that conversation in hopes to make himself sound like the compliant one, while I sounded like the bitter crazy ex-wife. AND maybe I am, but he is NOTHING even close to compliant. He SUCKS!

Onward and Upwards

Today I have a big interview, I'll blog about that tomorrow, and I have an amazeballs outfit, and killer hair. Now I'm no fashion blogger, but this shit is cute. Maybe I will rope Mom into taking a picture before I leave the house. {not after bc I'm sure it will end with my crying alone in the car, bc I cannot believe the way my life has changed so much in such a short time} 120 days ago I was changing diapers and scrubbing toilites, living in the beautiful denial of marital bliss & motherhood. Now I am a single mother. A sinlge working mother. A single working mother trying to go to school. Holy.Hell.

Now I will leave you with a little piece of advice I borrowed from Miss Nancy...

"I cannot control what other people do, I can only control my reaction to what they do"

Later Gaters XoxoX


  1. Well said lady!
    Sorry if you calle out the po-po with my last oh so creepassstalky comment....
    Keep goin you got this!

  2. Good job standing your ground!
    Good Luck on the job interview! Sending good vibes your way.

  3. I've been thinking about you since your email last night! You can do this. You are better than this and you deserve a man who will treat you like the fucking rockstar goddess you are! Keep plugging away... it will all fall together. xoxo

  4. Good luck on your interview!! God says He sees you differently than you see yourself, you are going to get a glimpse of what God sees and day by day just keep living up a little bit more until what you see is what God SAYS. He calls you mighty when you are weak, pure when you are sinning and calls you victorious when you struggle. He loves you, you are His!

  5. great job on the weight loss!! keep it up girl. oh and i am also ENTHRALLED with nancy's old blog....she has a way with words, that nancy!